This post is disgusting

If you're reading this you know my current job status.
In 2008 I started keeping better track of my related expenses.
The final tally: $6,290.21 spent in fuel, lodging, food, plane and bus fare. I had approximately 32 meetings throughout the year. I say approximate because a phone contact is still a contact even no expense was required. I was pretty disappointed in my first glance back at my 2008 calendar and didn't want to reread it, hence I will go with the estimation.
I've read books, taken classes and talked to counselors to increase success and I do think I've improved. But in this game there is only one measure of success and, to this point, I have not met that goal. I think it has taken a toll on my health. I feel it has given me a different perspective on life, for better or worse.
I am not the type of person who likes to do things. I like to be finished with things so I can get on to the next project or goal -- this comes from previous jobs that have had deadlines and other demands. I am a goal-oriented person. I have achieved many of the goals I've set out to do, like climbing Half Dome and working in television. So I know I can set goals and reach them. I would like to be able to set some new goals (besides resolving this issue) but this issue is so huge that it does affect all other aspects of my life. I feel, at this point, this goal is paramount.
I am hoping 2009 is better than 2008 in many ways. I want to resolve this issue so I can make some new goals and plans, and maybe even know where I will live and what I will do. I want my life back.